Amidst the vibrant tangle of waterways, expressways, streets and sois, where in Bangkok do you go for good food?
From meals to remember, to meals that will make a difference, or meals that just make you feel at home: before eating out in Bangkok, take this light hearted seven-stop tour of culinary variety that covers dining experiences from the unforgettable to the altruistic.
He was dressed only in bright orange and yellow condoms and so was she. My quest for good food in Bangkok had taken me from the sublime to the ridiculous; or had it? This Thai restaurant experience was not as raunchy or absurd as it may appear; beyond the condom clad mannequins was a uniquely philanthropic dining experience that we’ll find out about in a moment...
But we only just met; let's take things slow and make a few other stops on our culinary tour before we start talking about condoms.
Dinner Cruise
Where better to start than Bangkok’s waterways? The Chaophraya (River of Kings) winds through the heart of the city and has been a busy thoroughfare for centuries. Its banks are peppered with Buddhist temples, colourful markets, ancient fortresses and historic sites providing an enchanting, floodlit backdrop to your lantern lit meal.
Our Loy Nava Dinner Cruise was billed as a “journey into Thai culture and the Thai heart”, and it didn’t disappoint. We were welcomed aboard with a rose-water sprinkling ceremony and presented with sweetly fragranced jasmine garlands by smiling, traditionally attired hostesses. The girls also entertained us with traditional dances throughout our two hour cruise.
The Loy Nava, which claims to be Bangkok’s original dinner cruise vessel, is a converted, 70-year-old teak rice barge with a heavy, vaguely antique feel and understated elegance. We chose the traditional Thai menu - out of our six main dishes, the marinated chicken in pandanus leaves was particularly tasty. The chefs will prepare your meal as mild or hotly spiced as you fancy - you can check out all the menu options here: Loy Nava Menus
Expat haunts
Soi 8 Pub and Restaurant (http://www.soi8.net/; +66(0)-2653-3144) off Sukhumvit Road is a popular, saloon-style, Kiwi-run pub with a decent bar menu ranging from burgers and chips or bangers and mash to the ubiquitous Thai green curry (which was among the best I tasted anywhere). Several large screens provide simultaneous live coverage of a variety of world-wide sporting events; there’s Kilkenny and Guinness on tap; and your dining experience is played out to a low-profile classic-rock soundtrack. Across the road is Monsoon, which is also popular with expatriates.
Pro-poor dining
A little further down Sukhumvit Road along Soi 12, you will find an unusual Dine Aid concept at Cabbages and Condoms (www.cabbagesandcondoms.com, +66(0)-2229-4610). Thai food is their speciality, and they do that side of their business mouth-wateringly well. But their underlying raison d’etre is promoting better understanding and acceptance of family planning as well as generating income to support development activities in rural Thailand.
It’s hard to escape the theme: humorous, vintage AIDS awareness posters adorn the walls and the waiter brings condoms rather than mints with your bill, not to mention those beautifully attired dummies. In cooler weather, take a table in their secluded garden amidst bubbling water-features and twinkling fairy lights.
After dinner we relaxed with a 15 minute foot massage for 60 Baht - the proceeds directly support underprivileged Thai women in building livelihoods. If you want to help further, visit the C&C handicraft shop, which supports HIV+ women in India and Cambodia. If you’re really interested in pro-poor tourism, you might like to try the Birds and Bees, C&C’s luxury resort 150km from Bangkok.
Spice detox
Back on the dinner trail: If you find that your appetite for spicy food is diminishing, try Maria Restaurant (+66(0)-2234-0440), an Italian joint on Silom Road two minutes’ walk from the Holiday Inn. They do excellent pizzas and, if a preference for spice returns at the last minute, they do a mighty fine Thai green curry too.
Seafood paradise
Silom Village a little further along on the opposite side of Silom Road is a great spot for seafood. Don’t be put off by the brash, neon-lit entrance – the ‘village’ is actually a quiet, secluded cul-de-sac. Half a dozen restaurants nestle together amidst palms and pools in a peaceful environment either side of the evenly paved ‘walking street’. Crabs, lobsters, king-prawns and a selection of fish parade in tanks ready to answer your culinary whim. There's Thai dancing to entertain you too, the type that suits polite company.
Fast food
For a taste of home, head for McDonalds; their burgers really do taste exactly the same the world over – trust me, I’ve checked. If you take your junk food fix on Silom Road, you’ll be right opposite Patpong market where, from 7pm, seven nights a week, you'll find a most curious fusion of adult entertainment and regular daily life. There's everything from pirate DVDs to 'ping-pong shows'; beautifully carved croaking frogs to exquisitely rendered paintings. For punishment or pleasure (I’m really not sure which), you could even try a ‘testicle massage’.
True local fare
Finally, embrace local eating practice at one of the many food stalls that line every road, soi and market. You’ll find stalls offering spicy take-away snacks in bags or on sticks; there are also make-shift sit-down pavement restaurants where customers perch on plastic stools whilst gulping a bowl of noodles or soup.
These offer a colourful alternative to the farang options but may be best avoided if you have a weak stomach. If a vendor chuckles whilst selling you gauva fruit, don't be offended, it's probably just a "farang eating farang" joke - as well as meaning foreigner, farang is also the Thai word for the guava fruit.
The bottom line
Almost all the restaurants I’ve mentioned offer main courses priced between 150 and 300 Thai Baht (US$5-10; £3-6). The Loy Nava charges 1200 Baht (US$43; £26) / adult with discounts for children. Prices at food stalls will depend very much on your bartering skills and whether or not the vendor sees you coming – hang back and watch how much the Thais pay if you want a bargain!
Working off the calories
If, after a few days of generous portions, you begin to feel the pinch around your waist-band, head to Lumpini Park at the Patpong end of Silom Road. Everyday at 5pm, as the sun sets and the dusk gathers; mass, open-air aerobics classes take place. Anyone can join in and hundreds do: men, women, expatriates & Thais; dispelling pent up energy in a synchronised, calorie busting work-out.
Or walk off some calories on a riverside sightseeing tour: take the tourist shuttle boat up and down the river - an all-day pass (unlimited stop-offs) costs 150 Baht (US$5). The initial boarding (at a jetty below the Taksin Bridge) feels like a cattle herding, with a crush of camera and guidebook clutching tourists scrabbling for seats, but numbers thin out as people jump on and off at the many jetties and it’s a very efficient way of seeing the main sights.
The most colourful stop is the flower market but don’t miss Wat Arun (the Temple of Dawn). Thailand’s most visited site - the Grand Palace – is also beside the river. It has been there since 1782 and is still used for many royal ceremonies. The adjoining temple houses the Emerald Buddha, which is believed to be 2,000 years old.
Where to stay
Holiday Inn (Silom) is in an excellent, central location just yards from the expressway – a real boon for speedy airport transfers. The staff are excellent and the rooms modern with apex bay windows looking out across downtown. The spotless bathrooms have a spacious, glass walled shower as well as a good-sized bath. The breakfast buffet is superb but make sure it’s included in your reservation; the walk-in rate is much higher!
They are generous with late check-outs and the use of leisure facilities after you have checked out – real handy if you have an evening flight. Off-season rates for a room with breakfast start at about 2000 Baht / night (£40, $60) for non-refundable, advance bookings. Over Christmas, rates increase to about 3400 Baht / night.
Getting there
It really couldn’t be much easier. Bangkok is served by around 90 airlines operating flights to and from well over 100 domestic and international airports. The new Suvarnabhumi Airport (opened in 2006) is spacious and clean with efficient baggage handling and check-in, although clearing immigration on arrival can be slow.
Taxis from the airport should cost no more than 400 Baht (including tolls) but watch out for drivers offering you an inflated ‘discount fare’ – if in doubt, insist on the meter. When it's busy, avoid the queue by heading upstairs to departures and nabbing a taxi as the driver is dropping someone else off. Be warned though, that although you will avoid queuing and paying the 50 Baht airport surcharge, you will lose what protection is afforded by the taxi registration process downstairs.
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Traditional stone statue in the grounds of Bangkok's Temple of the Emerald Buddah
The Loy Nava: rice barge converted into a dinner cruise ship (Photo: loynava.com) and below, traditional dancers entertain diners between courses
The welcoming committee at Cabbages and Condoms wearing Christmas outfits with an AIDS awareness theme and below, Bangkok's Soi Patpong, where you'll find a surprisingly relaxed conjunction of girlie bars and market stalls.
Bangkok street vendors: everything from fast takeaway food to makeshift sit-down meals and below, open-air aerobics classes in Lumpini Park
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All images © Jon Bigg. All rights reserved.